A 20 Second Prayer Life!

Dear Friends,

At the risk of offending my liberal progressive friends, I describe myself as a biological male (your gender nowadays is not how God created you but is based on how you “feel” about yourself) and I’m physically attracted to women. Always have been. Always will be. (Another dicey admission to make in these #MeToo days particularly if you already have one strike against you by being a white male). But that’s how God created us. Two biological genders attracted to each other and Voilà!; here we are today – 80 billion humans later. God’s plan obviously worked! But many decades ago, I was struggling, as so many Christian men do, with God’s gift of having a strong natural attraction toward women, but what the heck.. I’m not actually lusting; I’m only looking! Right? Then one day I came to a red light. 

I had stopped behind a white van and paid absolutely no attention to it because over to my right, an absolutely gorgeous woman in a very short skirt stepped off the sidewalk to cross the street. As my eyes followed her, she disappeared out of my sight when she walked in front of the white van. My vision started to sweep past that darn van in front of me so that I could see her as she continued to cross the street. My eyes froze. Centered high on the back of the van’s doors was a bumper sticker. White with a blue border. There was just one word in red letters. “JESUS.” At that very moment, I heard the still, small voice of the Lord, “Keep your eyes on Me.” I didn’t look at the woman. In fact I could barely breathe. 

Those words came at the very instant I saw the bumper sticker and didn’t come from my mind or my imagination. To those of us who are spiritually sensitive, God can whisper to our soul and we know that feeling or thought that we have is from Him. For the rest of us, who can be a little dense, God sometimes needs to give us a holy smack-down and do something so dramatic that He gets our attention and we know it’s Him. He most definitely got my attention. From that day to the present, when I find my eyes drawn toward an attractive woman, I look away and pray for them. For their family, their health, that they will come to know and love God, or if they already do, they will come to love Him even more and that they will experience His grace.

My prayer life changed at that red light. In my Evangelical Pentecostal church tradition, a “Prayer Warrior” who would pray fervently for extended periods of time every day – sometimes for many hours – was the coveted goal for those of us who admired these spiritual giants. And for me, especially as a pastor, I was embarrassed to admit that, when it came to sustained, fervent prayer, I was a spiritual midget. As little as ten minutes of prayer was even difficult. I’d pray for the needs of all those I knew and then simply ran out of things to say. 

After my “red light” experience, I had asked the Lord to show me how to keep my eyes on Him when attracted to a woman and was convicted in my spirit that I needed to pray for them. I soon began to pray for others I encountered during my day as well. I was also desiring to simply be with Him more on my day-to-day journey. 

We Protestant Christians are not taught and encouraged (like the Orthodox and Catholic) to live our life in God’s presence during our day. Even for highly-engaged Protestants, church service on Sunday, a short daily prayer for family and friends and we’re good. But more and more of us are tired of just being a “Sunday Christian” and hunger for living our days in the presence of God. We’re not sure how to do this since it’s not something normally taught in a Protestant church and some of us have even had pastors who scorned and discouraged any of the ancient devotional practices because they looked “too Catholic.”

The prayer practices of the ancient church drew His followers into the presence of God, and I found that as I would talk to God, worship Him and pray throughout my day, it was becoming easier and easier to keep my eyes on Him and walk in His presence. I pray the Orthodox Jesus Prayer (Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me) and sing worship songs as I clean the horse corrals. I pray the Jesus Prayer working around the house. The sirens remind me to pray for the sick and injured who are in the ambulance driving past my house to the hospital. 

I wave a hello at Nacho my postal carrier and pray for him. I see my neighbor Heather across the street with her year old baby and pray for them. She’s a nurse and I pray for her health and safety. I pray for the Jimenez family next door who recently moved in. This morning I prayed for Mike, the normally upbeat checker at Smart & Final, because when I asked him how he was doing, he sounded down and depressed. My prayer list is in the “Google Keep” app that syncs to all my devices. If I know you personally, your name is in there along with pretty much everything you’ve ever asked me to pray about. Answered prayers have checkmarks – praise God for all the checkmarks! 

A Greek Prayer Rope – a “Komboskoini”– is in my pocket. Made of wool with fifty knots, the Orthodox use it while saying the Jesus Prayer much in the same way a Catholic uses a rosary. I don't use the prayer rope that way to “count” my prayers but keep it in my pocket because when my hand touches it, I’m reminded to pray. Before that, I carried a small smooth stone in my pocket that I’d found at Saint Andrew’s Abbey, that reminded me to pray and brought me into His presence when I touched it. Some people wear a special bracelet for the same reason. The cross I always wear is a constant reminder of His presence and His love for me. My phone plays the sound of a church bell at the ancient church prayer times of 6 am, Noon and 3 pm. I pray at the sound of the church bell. 

We were created to love God and live in His presence and the things we do during our day will draw us closer to Him, or keep us spiritually sluggish and stagnant, or pull us further away. Paul says to “pray without ceasing” and these short ten or twenty second prayers throughout my day keep me centered in Him – I’m keeping my eyes on Him.

Jesus keeps it simple for us pilgrims who are on this journey to a holy place. He gives us two commandments, “Love God and Love Others” Mark 12:30-31 Our prayers throughout our day to God and for others focus our worship on Him and fosters spiritual growth that brings about “theosis” – a process of transformation that helps us to be less like us and more like Jesus. 

In the Eastern Orthodox Church, “theosis” is union with God which starts with truly worshiping Him. Here’s why loving God was the Son’s first commandment: because without having a solid relationship with God and living in His presence, I’m spiritually impotent. If I have a feeble faith, I’d be out of God’s will for me, complacent with my sins, my prayers for you would have little effect or actually.. to be honest.. I probably wouldn’t be praying for you at all. 

But we would err by obeying only the first commandment to love God. We are not monastic hermits living in a mountain cave who direct their thoughts and prayers only on God and themselves. We also err with a militant focus on the second commandment to love others that’s encouraged in social justice churches which often produce strong activists but ambiguous Christians. 

Our faith is a well-balanced focus on 1) God and 2) Others. We must develop an ambidextrous prayer life, moving effortlessly from prayers that unite us with God, like the Jesus Prayer, to 20 second intercessory prayers for someone and back again. In this AMEN Corner you're reading about my personal prayer practices that I’ve gleaned from the ancient church and which may be unfamiliar to most Protestants. Look at what works for me -- this one imperfect pilgrim -- and if you think something might also work well for you, give it a try. As I study and learn, my prayer practices are ever evolving. Yours should too. Growth can only take place in change and I heard a cowboy pastor say one time, “if you ain’t changing you ain’t growing.” 

“..but grow in the grace and knowledge
of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 
To Him be the glory, both now and forever. Amen”

2 Peter 3:18

☩   ☩   ☩

Santagod?

Dear Friends,

Please don’t get me wrong here. I love Santa Claus. I’ll never forget the year he brought me a genuine Red Ryder BB Gun and I still have my old Structo steel toy truck he left for me under the tree. I even have the Gilbert Erector Set that Santa gave me, but the Gilbert Chemistry Set disappeared shortly after the incident involving the stink bomb in my sister’s bedroom. 

As I grew into my teens, Santa apparently became very concerned over my personal hygiene habits because my stocking would be filled with deodorant, toothpaste and dental floss. Instead of finding an exciting new toy under the tree, I’d find a shirt and a package of underwear from Sears. In my middle-age years, Santa brought me books, knowing how much I like to read. But today, as I’ve transitioned into my senior years, Santa brings me industrial-sized packages of toilet paper and paper towels from Costco. No. I’m not kidding about that.

But the Santa I knew and loved as a boy never overshadowed the Baby in the manger. The focus of our celebration was not on the tree in our living room but on what took place in our church. The Nativity set my grandmother gave me when I was nine is on the bookshelf next to me as I write this. She gave it to me to keep the Christ child in my thoughts during the Christmas season – it still does. This was the 1950's and our family was typical of the believing, church-going families of those days. 

Times are different today. We’ve enhanced and expanded the Santa legend today until he has morphed into God. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows if you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. So be good for goodness sake. Santa Claus is omniscient – all knowing. He knows when you've been good or bad. Santa is omnipresent – he’s everywhere on Christmas eve. Santa fulfills the wishes of good little boys and girls because he is all powerful – he’s omnipotent. Santa brings miracles! All you have to do is to believe!

Those three underlined characteristics are the attributes of God and God alone. But when we’ve imprinted God’s characteristics onto Santa Claus and elevated Santa to be our Christmas deity, we can’t blame our children or grandchildren for praying to their Santagod for toys and other cool stuff. Take a moment and look up Exodus 20:3. Maybe we need to turn the Santagod back into his human namesake: Saint Nicholas. 

In the 4th century, Nicholas was the Bishop of Myra which was located in the territory of Lycia. In New Testament days, Lycia was a province of the Roman Empire and was visited by Paul on one of his evangelistic journeys. Acts 27:5-6

Saint Nicholas has been remembered as a man of great faith and his compassion for others. His parents died when he was young, leaving him with a large amount of money. Many bishops in those days used their position in the church to gain great wealth and property. Nicholas used his position as bishop to give away his personal wealth to those in need. He used his money to redeem those sentenced to death for their failure to pay taxes to the Roman Emperor and was known for giving gifts of food, clothes and shoes to children.

During the reformation, the Protestant reformers rejected nearly all the saints but kept Saint Nicholas, and in remembrance of this Saint at Christmas, children received gifts. Sinter Klass” is Dutch for Saint Nicholas, and Dutch settlers brought Sinter Klass to the English-speaking world where we spelled and pronounced it as “Santa Claus.”

At about the same time in Victorian England that Sinter Klass was introduced, a popular phrase “cast your bread upon the waters” was in vogue. This is Ecclesiastes 11:1 and because of the vagueness of the Hebrew it has been translated several different ways. In the context of the scripture the best translation may be “Do good wherever you go. After awhile, the good you do will come back to you.” (CEV) Casting our bread upon the water seems to be an exercise in futility resulting in a waste of good bread, but Solomon’s imagery tells us to give in faith not knowing what the actual results will be but knowing that you can expect a return in this life or the next. Proverbs 11:18; Galatians 6:9 

We joyfully and liberally give of our time, efforts, finances and our material things to others even when we don’t see results and even when our generosity does not seem to be doing any good. Matthew 5:44; Luke 14:13-14 That is not “Santa” giving. Thanks be to God, that’s Christ-like “Saint” giving.  

Santa Claus says: “Ho, Ho, Ho.”

Saint Nicholas said: “The giver of every good and perfect gift has called upon us to mimic God’s giving, by grace, through faith, and this is not of ourselves.”

Thanksgiving!

Sometimes the worst dinnertime disaster at Thanksgiving has nothing to do with the turkey – it’s the family. Does your family Thanksgiving look like a Norman Rockwell painting or a Jerry Springer grudge match with flying metal folding chairs? I’ll never forget the year that we were trying to logistically plan things out for Thanksgiving dinner with our own family. 

For a few years, we had it at the home of a person who didn’t cook and he ordered the dinner from a restaurant. Kind of like an upscale Turkey Box Lunch. But that year he had a new girlfriend who wanted Thanksgiving at her house. She lived in a small house with a huge undisciplined dog and her own tradition was to invite eleven of her closest relatives and friends. Even though she was engaged to this member of our immediate family, we still didn’t make the cut and were not invited. Then the family matriarch intervened and her son’s fiancée extended a reluctant, last-minute invitation to us, but we were told that because the house was too small, we’d have to sit outside on a small patch of grass and dirt next to the dog house.

The second-tier guests like us were going to be confined in the tiny back yard with the 120 pound dog and I didn’t want to be wrestling with a Rottweiler over a turkey leg, so I was hoping that maybe we could just park in their driveway and they would serve us a Turkey Box Lunch in the car. At this point in the Thanksgiving planning, the family tension increased and so we rebelliously did something that we had never done before. 

We drove to Carpinteria and bought two turkey Subway Sandwiches. The sun-warmed beach was devoid of people and it was like being on a deserted island. It was Thanksgiving in paradise! We sat in the shade of palm trees, enjoyed the fresh ocean breeze, ate our turkey sandwiches and the pumpkin scones I had made for dessert. It was the most wonderful and meaningful Thanksgiving day that we’ve ever had!

(I’m obviously going to encourage you to spend Thanksgiving with your family, but I did get some Subway coupons in my mailbox last week and if we don’t use them this year, just let me know if you’d like to have them.)

Family is important to us and God made us that way. We were created to be in relationship with those who God has given to us and to whom we have been given. We were created to live in a family relationship, but today’s families face a minefield of trigger topics where even the mildest remark about the weather can unleash a diatribe on climate change or a niece’s newborn baby boy can trigger a heated discussion about the child’s right to choose its own gender. And don’t even think about saying the word, “Trump!”

A segment of our culture has called for the elimination of Thanksgiving because of its “environmental impact on climate change” and an MSNBC host described the day as a “problematic food holiday.” The celebrated entrée – a turkey – is now, according to progressive activists, a white supremacist symbol of racist, colonialism. An editorial in today's LA Times reminds us that Thanksgiving "commemorates" the genocide of the indigenous people and is not a day of celebration but a day of mourning. 

Many in our Nation have been indoctrinated to hate any person who does not conform to their political doctrine, but the media’s agenda to sustain our rage does not have to provide the context for our Thanksgiving family dinner. This is a season of thanksgiving! Time for us to thank God for the grace He has so lovingly given to us. Time to let that grace flow through us to others in our circle of family and friends. Time to see other people not through our own eyes but through God’s eyes. Thanksgiving should be a time of warmth, harmony and peace with family and friends, but in a fractious family, how do we do that?

If conversations turn political, simply don’t engage – just listen without replying. But what if we’ve chosen to not engage and another person becomes verbally combative: “So why don’t you hate Trump/Biden/DeSantis/Musk?” The best response may be a mild, “That’s not a conversation to have while we’re enjoying this day together, maybe we can talk about it later.” And if you’ve been mocked or belittled for your Christian beliefs and values, “turn the other cheek” and extend the grace to forgive, remembering that a good definition of forgiveness is “Simply no longer holding against a person what deserves to be held against them.” 

While we cannot control the behavior of others, we can control our own. On Thanksgiving day and everyday, we are responsible for what comes from our own mouth. “The tongue has the power of life and death” Proverbs 18:21 meaning that our words can either speak life, or our words can speak death. As Christians, our words are to strengthen, encourage and comfort others. 1 Corinthians 14:3 NLT The words from our lips, pour out of our heart and form the image of how others see us. A friend once told me about a message she had seen on a church sign: “If the words you spoke were written on your skin, would you still be beautiful?” This Thanksgiving, let’s make sure that our own words are kind and filled with the grace of God. “Kind words are like honey.. sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24-26 NLT   Amen?

How To Not Mess Up A Relationship!

Dear Friends,

God created us to be in relationship with Him and to be in relationship with each other. God intersects our lives with the lives of others and has handpicked those other souls to be the ones  with whom we share our lives. He has chosen them to become a part of who we are and to walk with us for awhile on this journey called life. 

By birth and by happenstance, God gives us loved ones – family and friends – those who have been given to us and those to whom we have been given. And here's the way it seems to work. God creates our relationships with others and then, too often, we go and mess them up. Trust me in this. I’m an expert in messing up relationships.

If I close my eyes, I see a kaleidoscope of faces. The ghost relationships from my past. I whisper to my ghosts a plea for their forgiveness and can only hope they have done so. Not for my sake but for theirs. I wish I could tell them that at the time, I was clueless about God’s relationship rules.

From my first teenage crush on Kris Busch, the cute, red-haired girl at church, I've messed up more relationships than I’m comfortable thinking about. I've also had to helplessly watch far too many times as a friend or loved one messed up their relationship with me beyond repair. But no matter who gets the credit for muddling it up, every single one of my messed up relationships got messed up for the same reason. Someone wasn’t following the rules.

Here's the interesting thing that sometimes happens to people who have learned from their own messiness: God uses their experience to help others. He comforts (and guides) us in our troubles that we may comfort and help others. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT So, at a previous church, many, many years ago, God transformed the guy (me), who was proficient at messing up relationships, into a counseling pastor and brought me into the lives of those who were trying to repair their own wounded or broken relationships. 

My pastoral job was to help them understand how they got there in the first place, show them how they might be able to restore their messed up relationship and have healthier relationships in the future. Of course, whether it was between two spouses, parent and child, friends, co-workers or even themselves and their boss, the dysfunctional relationships had become fragile and fragmented for the exact same reason. They weren't following the rules.

On Amazon there are over 150,000 books on marriage and dating relationships, but you need only one book and it's already in your home. You know the book I'm talking about. It has everything that you'll ever need to know in order to have successful and fulfilling relationships with others. But it's a big book and I'll simplify things for you. Take a look at the enclosed. (If you are the person who resists following “rules” because they interfere with your personal freedom, then this AMEN Corner isn’t for you.) But if you do want the blessings from living out your relationship God’s way, then these One-Anothers will help you to do that.

Every relationship...Without exception...Every relationship gets messed up when people don't follow the rules of the “One-Another.” If both in a marriage made a three-way covenant with each other and with God to follow the biblical One-Anothers, and both sincerely worked at doing that, they would divorce-proof that relationship and it would truly be a marriage made in heaven. That’s guaranteed!

But in a marriage, we sometimes find ourselves “unequally yoked” 2 Corinthians 6:14 due to circumstances or decisions when we married or because we and our spouse have found ourselves on two different spiritual life-paths. If a spouse is unwilling to commit to following the One-Anothers with you, many times we can use the list as a diagnostic tool to see if there’s something we can do differently in order to improve the relationship. God tells us to imitate Him and walk in love Ephesians 5:1-2 because our Christ-like behavior will often inspire others to be like us.

The biblical One-Anothers are directed to all Christians and show us how to be Christ-like in all of our relationships with each other, but I’ve found this list to be especially helpful for a married couple working to restore or rejuvenate their relationship. And, it takes both husband and wife who are told by Paul to “..submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (meaning a mutual submission). Ephesians 5:21-33 NLT (see note) Two people are to accept one another, love one another, encourage each other and pray for each other and there are twenty-five One-Anothers in our Bible! Relationships can be incredibly easy and fulfilling and free of contention and strife. All you have to do is to follow God's rules. Amen?

THE “ONE-ANOTHERS” 

in Scripture hold a wealth of guidance for our relationships with loved ones, friends and all those who God has brought into our lives – those who have been given to us and to whom we have been given. If we practiced these “one–anothers,” we’d have far fewer problems in our relationships.

“Be at peace with each other.” Mark 9:50 

“Love one another.” John 13:34

“Be devoted to one another.” Romans 12:10

“Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10

“Stop passing judgement on one another.” Romans 14:13

“Accept one another.” Romans 15:7

Instruct one another.” Romans 15:14

“Greet one another.” Romans 16:16

“Serve one another in love.” Galatians 5:13

“Carry each other’s burdens.” Galatians 6:2

“Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2

“Be kind and compassionate to one another.” Ephesians 4:32

“Forgive each other.” Ephesians 4:32

“Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.” Ephesians 5:19

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21

“In humility consider others better than yourselves.” Philippians 2:3

“Teach and admonish one another with all wisdom.” Colossians 3:16

“Encourage each other.” 1 Thessalonians 4:18

“Build each other up.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” Hebrews 10:24

“Do not slander one another.” James 4:11

“Don’t grumble against one another.” James 5:9

“Confess your sins to each other.” James 5:16

“Pray for each other.” James 5:16

“Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another.” 1 Peter 5:5

 Note: The Biblical teaching of submission in marriage has been sadly misunderstood and misused and, in some marriages, has resulted in un-Christ-like behavior and abuse. I strongly recommend reading this entire passage of scripture in the New Living Translation for a clear understanding of what a Godly marriage looks like.

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:21-33 NLT

Spiritual Mothers and Fathers

Dear Friends,

Many years ago, when we had first started the Wednesday ministry at the assisted living home, a woman came up to me and addressed me as “Father.” As an Evangelical Protestant pastor, I was uncomfortable with that title and asked her to call me “Pastor John.” She looked at me, hesitated a moment and said, “Okay Father.” I soon gave up trying to correct those who attended the church services and all of the residents and staff called me “Father” or “Padre.” (Padre is from the Latin word “pater” and literally means “father priest.”) Most of the residents were decades older than me and their own fathers had passed on a long time ago. But as they were journeying through this last season of life, they were reaching out to a spiritual father to hold their hand and help them through it. It was humbling and more than a little disconcerting when I realized that God had given me to them to fill that role. It seems like no matter where we are in our life, we need a father.

My birthday was last week and while I’m normally too engaged with the present to concern myself with the past, my birthdays always seem to bring me to a place of nostalgic remembrances of my life to date. Faces, names and episodes that had been buried in my memory and long forgotten about are vividly recalled. Then last Sunday was Father’s Day and, because I never fathered a child, I’ve been uncomfortable when people wished me a “happy father’s day.” As when people at church called me “Father,” it’s always felt like an undeserved title. Was I really a father? Uhh..no..not really. 

But then during a birthday week a few years ago, God showed me something through the personal “documentary” of my life that had been the focus of my thoughts. He was showing me that, from when I was a young man, He had called me to be in the role of “spiritual father” to many of those He had brought into my life.  When I became a pastor, my mother had told me that she was not surprised because I’d spent so much of my life helping others by being their listener, counselor and mentor long before I was ordained. 

I didn’t have to be ordained to be a spiritual mentor. Neither do you. I’ve known men who had been the spiritual father to many and known women who were the spiritual mother to many. Some were also biological parents to children and some were not. But they were the “father” that their friends sought out for help when life got tough. They were the “mother” that a co-worker turned to for advice. They were the one who offered love, support, empathy, encouragement and sometimes loving correction. In this day when we are told that we must be strong and self-sufficient in all things and at all times, we will still sometimes need that spiritual father or spiritual mother to help and guide us through the circumstances of our lives Proverbs 19:20 and help us to build our faith and grow in the Lord.

I read about a Baptist pastor who had a friend that was an Episcopal priest. The Baptist envied his friend because those in his Episcopal church called him “Father” and saw him as their spiritual father. In the Baptist pastor’s church they called him by his first name and saw him as a casual friend. The Baptist pastor was struggling because he saw the need of many in his church for a “father” figure, but in most Protestant congregations, the pastor is just the one who has been hired to manage the church, lead the service and preach a sermon. The Baptist pastor was wistfully longing for all male clergy to once again be called “Father” and to be the spiritual parent that the church so desperately needs today. For most of us, the word “father” brings a feeling of love, trust and security, but for some, that same word may elicit feelings of shame or fear. Pastors hear father stories of neglect, indifference, abuse and abandonment that some psychologists call the “father wound.” 

Psychology Today says “Fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children.” When we grow up with a father who abandoned or abused us, we will unconsciously seek a Godly father to fill that void in our life and heal that “father wound.” People come to church to seek God and to find healing and wholeness for their lives. In too many churches we attempt to accomplish that by using uninspiring lectures (sermons) that simply tell people how they should live their life. Sometimes that works, but contrast that with the ancient church where, through the grace of God, seekers found spiritual fathers and spiritual mothers who gave them wisdom, advice, empathy and encouragement and who took them by the hand to lead them to their Heavenly Father.

If you feel called by God to be a spiritual parent to another, a caveat here: If we have an unresolved father or mother wound, we cannot be a spiritual parent to others until we have been healed by God and made whole again. In our current relationships, we tend to replicate our childhood family dynamic that we experienced in our family of origin. Proverbs 22:6 NIV For example, if our father was kind, loving, compassionate, we tend to treat others as he did. If we were abandoned by our father, we tend to have difficulties connecting and committing to another person. If a parent was abusive, we have a tendency to replicate that characteristic as well. Before we can be a spiritual parent, any soul wounds of our own must be fully understood by us and be healed by God in order to prevent us from passing on the hurts we suffered as a child to those who we mentor. 

Are you called to be a spiritual father or a spiritual mother? The need is great. Your church is filled with those who need a spiritual parent. They need the love of Jesus radiating through you. May God guide you and give you wisdom.

Sure Glad I'm Not A Sinner Like Will Smith!

Dear Friends,

You didn’t have to watch this year’s Academy Award show to know what happened. We’ve seen the shocking video, the photo and heard about it now for over a week. Unless you’ve given up all media for Lent, you know that one of Hollywood’s most famous celebrities, Will Smith, stormed the stage during the live broadcast and slugged another celebrity with his open hand after a joke about Smith’s wife. 

Comments and criticisms from celebrities and the media came quickly. Some justified and excused Smith saying that the violence was a normal, natural response from a Black man defending his wife’s honor. An African American reverend who is the founder of the highly liberal New Democracy Coalition told a television news reporter that he hoped the attack, “..will become a teachable moment where we can highlight the reality of black-on-black crime.” A handful of well-known White and Black pastors gave their opinions on Will Smith and his faith and the Christian media highlighted an interview that Smith gave last year. He said that he was a man of faith who loves the Lord and said that his success in life was the result of his faith. He said, “You can’t get where I get if you don’t love the Lord; you don’t get to sit how I sit; move how I move if you don’t love the Lord.” He went on to talk about the power of faith that had been instilled in him by his religious grandmother. 

After the Academy Award attack, Smith received a Best Actor award and his first words were, “I am overwhelmed by what God is calling me to do and be in this world.” He talked about how the character he played had protected his family and how God is calling him to do the same. He said that he wants to be a “vessel for love” and to be “an ambassador of that kind of love and care and concern.”

My initial thoughts were that Smith’s inferring that his uncontrolled moment of violent rage was justified because of God’s calling for him to be a protector, and then characterizing himself as a vessel and ambassador of love, care and concern right after assaulting another person was perhaps not the best witness of our Christian faith to 10.5 million viewers. But to be honest, it’s pretty easy for me to be judgmental about the faith and behavior of others. That brings us right around to the problem of Lent. A time of humble, self-reflection and a close look at our own walk with the Lord. A time of inspecting the “fruit” of our own lives. An honest, perhaps even painful, examen of our faith.

So many of us obsess about our outward appearance and so few look inside to see our gracelessness and sin. We all can instantly spot the most minor of blemishes in another person’s walk with the Lord and have such a difficulty seeing and acknowledging the spiritual deformities in our own disordered life. Digging in to uncover one’s own sin – one’s own hypocrisy – is just too painful. So much easier to make Lent about giving up candy, preparing for a visitation from the Easter Bunny and planning the Easter Sunday family dinner.

The reason that Lent is a long forty days is that the journey through truth and awareness is not a stroll on the beach, but a struggle through the brambles and thorns of the wilderness. Yet, as we stumble along, we find that the Holy Spirit is helping us navigate this difficult journey and then, as it suddenly comes to an end on Good Friday, we find ourselves looking up at the cross where we find redemption and salvation. Lent would be a liturgical farce if we were not the sinful creatures that we are – that’s why we need it. We are in constant need of rescuing, repentance and redemption. As Paul so famously said, “I don’t do the good I want to do and the evil that I don’t want to do is what I do.” Romans 7:19 

I can’t cast stones of judgement at Will Smith because I’ve spent so many decades as a Christian “slapping” people whom God has brought into my life. I’ve never physically slapped anyone but there are so many ways we slap down others and never lift a hand. We hit out in anger, frustration or impatience with sharp, unkind words or actions that may cause an even deeper injury than a physical slap. 

I once counseled a woman at church that I’ll never forget. She was in an extremely abusive relationship and told me one time that she’d rather her husband beat her than for her to hear the hurtful things he say. Surprised at this, I asked why that was and she said that the bruises and broken bones that he had given her had always healed, but the names he called her and the cruel things he said to her, were the permanent injuries that never healed.

When we self-reflect, the hard truth seldom brings joy and comfort. But the very purpose of Lent is to create a healthy hatred of our own sins and a passion for repentance. We then drop to our knees and thank God for His forgiveness. Here’s how it works. We self-reflect and God opens our eyes to see our sins. We feel a sense of conviction of our wrongdoing and that brings repentance, confession and God’s forgiveness. Our hearts are filled with gratitude to God for His grace which then transforms us into a Christian ambassador of God’s love, caring and concern for others. 

I’d suspect that Will Smith has figured out by now that God did not have a call on his life to deliver a celebrity smack-down in honor of his wife, but to show others a Christ-like love. Lent prepares us to be a true Christian ambassador that ushers others into His Kingdom and helps them to grow in the Lord. You, me, Will Smith. We all need Lent...

What Will Your Obituary Say?

Dear Friends,

Have you given any thought to your obituary? I don’t mean to bring up a depressing subject, but you all know that you’re not getting off this planet alive. Right? Last week I was reading newspaper obituaries which is something that I normally never do. What struck me was how a lifetime of our priorities and passions are so neatly and concisely stated in a few words that summarize our earthly existence. Academic degrees attained, military service, careers, children raised, memberships, golfing and bowling accomplishments, service awards. Some obituaries written with tedious details that sound as if written by a public relations company and some written by family members who convey their love and sadness in the memories of their loved ones. But nearly all sum up the person’s life with a list of what they’ve done. It’s a “life resume” of their most important achievements. 

But all stand before Jesus someday and He will not be interested in our military record, golf trophies or our career promotions. Even our “church activities” are of no importance. We are known by others for what we’ve done. We’re known by God for who we’ve become.

As I thought about my own obituary, I’d like to have it sound like Marian Jean Kalionzes’ who died at the age of 91 on March 7th. “She knew the assurance of her salvation through Jesus Christ and spoke with conviction of the life awaiting her in Heaven. Her faith never shaken, she encouraged the many who loved her up to the finish...”

A friend was reflecting on this time of Lent and how they wished to be remembered when they have left this planet. They were thinking about what they needed to do and change about themselves now in order to accomplish their desire to be thought well of by others. 

Lent is a season of self-reflection and repentance. The Biblical definition of REPENTANCE means to be remorseful and contrite over our sinful behavior and then have a change of mind about our behavior that results in a change of our actions. Acts 26:20 If giving up something for Lent is no more than a obligatory church tradition, we can proudly fast for 40 days on chocolate ice cream to accrue religious “Heaven Points,” but then we come out of Lent looking the same way we did as when we entered the season. God requires more.

At some point in time, the clock will stop for us. Our body will be done. And who we are at that moment, will be how our loved ones will remember us. I don’t want to have the words “CRANKY OLD CODGER” chiseled on my tombstone. 

Some might say that I need to work on my personal “brand.” Personal branding is what professionals do to create and establish an image or impression of themselves in the minds of others. Your online and social media image may not be true to your authentic self but is a tightly managed group of online assets that package and promote how you want to be perceived. 

Today there are many books and resources on how to recreate and market a professional image, but our spiritual image was established at the moment of our birth. We were created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27 Of course we don’t physically resemble God because He is Spirit John 4:24 but we were created to reflect God’s character and attributes. Obviously not His divine attributes such as His sovereignty, omniscience, omnipotence and omnipresence. God and God alone is the Supreme Authority, all-knowing, all-powerful and present in all places and at all times. 

But we were created in His image to reflect His character and, as Spirit-filled Christians, we should be looking less like us and more like Jesus every day of our lives. In Galatians 5:22-23 NLT, Paul lists the “fruit” of the Spirit. In the Greek, the word translated as “fruit” is singular meaning that the one single characteristic of a Christian is all of these nine attributes combined: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control. These are the Christ-like attributes that identify the true follower of Jesus, but of course while we were created in His image, we can choose to reject that image.   

Is the image you project to others a man or woman of God or a man or woman of the world? How would your closest friends describe you? When your earthly body dies, what will your obituary say? How do you want to be remembered by your loved ones? Are there attributes of the Fruit of the Spirit that are weak or missing from your life? Are you okay with the idea of coming out of yet another Lent unchanged? If not, what would God want you to change about yourself?

What Would They See?

Dear Friends,

The Feast of Dedication came on a cold winter day in Jerusalem. Families stayed indoors for warmth as the smoke from hundreds of wood fires hung in a gray layer and mingled with the dark rain-swollen clouds. In the early morning stillness of the city, Jesus went for a walk. A tranquil time for reflection and prayer. Protected from the morning’s drizzle, the Son of God quietly walked alone under the covered porch area on the east side of the temple. Providing shelter from winter weather and offering shade on a hot summer day, the enclosed porch known as “Solomon’s Colonnade,” ran the full length of the temple and was usually crowded with scribes giving lessons to their followers. 

On this chilly winter morning, Jesus strolled through small groups of men scattered throughout the narrow area. Fully absorbed in His peaceful thoughts, He was oblivious to the murmurings and sharp looks. Then, stepping around a large pillar which supported the heavy roof, Jesus suddenly found Himself surrounded by the angry Jews!

Emboldened by each other. Uncertainties and fears hidden behind folds of cloaks drawn around their faces. Eyes darting around and unable to look Jesus in the eye.  Contemptuous voices rising in pitch, the words coming loud and fast. Jesus stood silently and could feel their hearts – cold, hard, oozing with self-righteousness. He saw the large, heavy rocks in their rough, work-hardened hands. He looked calmly at each one of them and He waited. Then from the back of the crowd came a belligerent shout, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly!!”

Jesus had told them before. Plainly. Many times. And now, ready to stone the Messiah on the spot, the angry crowd would not be satisfied by mere words. They wanted proof and they wanted it now. But how could Jesus prove to these hostile religious leaders that He was indeed God? The Son of God told them that if they wanted to understand who He was, than they should look at what He had done. In essence, He told them to not look at His words but at His deeds. He said, “Don’t believe me unless I carry out my Father’s work. But if I do His work, believe in the evidence of the miraculous works I have done, even if you don’t believe me. Then you will know and understand that the Father is in me, and I am in the Father.” John 10:37-38 NLT

Just as those unbelievers were primed and ready to throw rocks at Jesus, the mockers, doubters and “woke” unbelievers today seem just as eager to “stone” His followers in the workplace, military, schools and in society. Hatred of Christians and anti-Christian bias has become so normalized among atheists, there’s even a name for it: Christianophobia.

We can so easily become discouraged by the growing anti-Christian backlash in America today. But, when we’re under attack, our response should be the same as our Lord’s, “Look at our works before you judge us!” So let’s stop for a moment and think about what this would mean if you actually did say that. Does this pause for thought create a little concern for you as it does for me? 

If someone was attacking or mocking our Christian faith and we told them to look not at our words but at our works, what would they see? We once rented a church building from another church and I would occasionally visit with that congregation during their hospitality time. I heard blasphemies and the “F” word during their causal conversations. I heard a woman give witchcraft instructions to another and I overheard some of the filthiest sexual jokes I’d ever heard. Their hospitality time was just moments after their service ended and I’d wonder: if this was their behavior at church, what was it in their workplace and with unbelieving friends? Theologian and author Brennan Manning wrote: “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”

How do non-Christian friends, co-workers, acquaintances, neighbors see you? Do they see tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and self-control? Would they say that your devotion to God has radically changed your life or just made you more religious? Do others see by your behavior and words that the Spirit of the Living God resides within you? Do they see someone who more and more resembles Christ or do they see someone who more closely resembles the ugly side of themselves? When we tell others about our Christian faith, are they thinking that our faith must explain our good qualities? Or do they think: “If this is what Christianity looks like, I want no part of it!” 

We need to live in such a way that people see the image of Jesus reflected within us. Because in today’s culture that’s growing more and more secular, you may be the only Jesus that some people will ever see.

Where Are Your Red Dots?

Dear Friends,

We are hunters and gatherers. Ever since Adam and Eve foraged in the Garden, we have been on the hunt. It’s in our DNA – what we’re wired to do. Friday is the day she and I often go hunting.

We pause outside the store and look at each other one last time. She will go her way and I mine – we are after different prey. We anticipate the next moments and adrenaline courses through our bloodstream. There is a surge of synaptic brain activity. Senses are sharpened. As we enter, a tinkling bell over the door signals our arrival and the hunt is on. She moves quickly to the left. The women's "Goldstar Collection." She’s incredible. A glance at an article of clothing and within a second she can determine and evaluate the brand name, size, color, style, cost and how it will look on her. I move to the right. I’m hunting for hardcover books and within minutes I’ve captured two for me and three for her. Nearly new. Read maybe once. Original cost is $26.95 apiece but now they’re only a dollar. 

She catches my eye and holds up a red jacket with western embroidery. It’s a Scully – a high-end brand of western clothing. Not a brand you wear when you grab the reins and step into the saddle. Scully outfits are worn when you grab your guitar and step up on stage. Original cost was well over $200. It looks brand new. Never worn. Price tag says $15 and she tries it on. Perfect fit. Too good a deal to pass up! We take our plunder to the cash register. The lady looks at the tag on the Scully and tells us that green tagged items are the daily special. The jacket is only 99 cents. YES!! Thank You Lord!!!

She and I are far too mature and cool to be doing a happy dance on the way to the car, but we are both very excited. This has been one awesome hunting trip. We’ve just bought approximately $285 of almost brand-new merchandise for six bucks. I guess that’s why they call them “thrift” stores.

The thrift stores we like to go to are the ones run by churches, parachurch organizations and those with a mission to help disadvantaged children. Our favorite thrift store, the “Bargain Box” in Ventura (described above) generates about $200,000 a year for at-risk children and those with special needs. That’s why every year we love to take boxes of clothing, books, household items, even collectibles, crystal and furniture to this thrift store. Some “thrift stores” are actually just second-hand stores but when you donate to and purchase from thrift stores operated by non-profit organizations, you are actively participating in their ministry and mission to help others.  

Many of us are familiar with the St Vincent de Paul Thrift Stores. These are run by a world-wide Christian organization dedicated to providing assistance for the needy. Income from their thrift stores provides the funding for food programs, job training, disaster relief, shelter for the abused, youth programs, prison ministries and indigent burials.

Vincent de Paul was born in 1581 into a peasant family in a small village in France. As a young priest, he was sent to Paris to minister to the wealthy and instead came face to face with French peasants living in squalor and misery. From this point, God changed the direction of his life. He enlisted others in helping orphans, the sick, and the hungry and a religious order was formed that became the Society of St. Vincent de Paul.

On a wall in a mission chapel founded by Vincent is a map of the city of Paris. Small red dots cover the entire map. Each dot marks a place that was touched by the humble priest during his life. An orphanage founded. Starving people fed. The sick healed. People helped. A sermon preached to those hungry for the Word of God. Each dot representing the fruit of his ministry. Vincent believed in the priority of action – in spreading the Kingdom of God into where God had placed him. Not just preaching about God’s love. Showing people what God’s love looks like.

The Gospel calls us to a life of love. Love for God. Love for others. The upcoming season of Lent is a time of self-reflection as we await in semidarkness for the glory of His Resurrection on Easter Sunday. Take a moment and reflect upon your life. What does your map look like? Do you have a bunch of red dots scattered all over and filling the map of your own lifetime? Do you have dots showing where you have made a difference in the lives of others? Where God’s love has been manifested through you? Where you have helped others? Where you have reached out and touched someone with the Kingdom of God? Do you have red dots spread all over your map showing your kind deeds, gentle words and loving actions? What does the map of your life look like...?

 

Give Thanks!

Dear Friends,

Those of you who know me may have noticed the scar. About an inch long, it runs vertically through my eyebrow and down to the very top of my right eye. It’s where I was hit in the face with the sharp edge of a shovel when I was six years old. If the point of the shovel had been ½ inch lower it would have been embedded in my eye. If you hadn’t noticed the scar, I typically don’t either. In fact, for the longest time, I’d forgotten it was there. Then one Thanksgiving morning, a few years ago, I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw that old scar as if for the first time. At that moment, I realized that I had never thanked God for saving my sight and began wondering what else I’d never thanked Him for. I thought of when I was young man and engaged to the hot-blooded Sicilian girl who broke our engagement by trying to kill me with a butcher knife. I realized that I had never thanked God for saving me from a marriage to her!

And then like a slide show, face after face from my past appeared in my mind and I realized that I’d never thanked God for Father Barnes, the rector at St. Thomas Episcopal Church, who believed that I needed to start serving God as an acolyte when I was only nine and who started me on the path to God that I’m still on today. Many other faces came to mind and I thanked God for them. I still do. And perhaps you are now remembering your own scars and the times God bailed you of a bad circumstance. Or maybe like the country song “Thank God For Unanswered Prayers,” God didn’t give you what you’d prayed for and gave you something or someone better. Are you seeing faces of people you’ve never thanked God for?

Every Thanksgiving, I think of an Episcopal priest named Father Tim. He was a fictional character in a series of books written by Christian author Jan Karon about life in a small town called Mitford. And in one story, Father Tim wondered: What if God took away from him everything that he had not thanked God for?

That’s something to just stop and think about. What if God did take away from us everything we had not been thankful for? Would I have my right eye? For over sixty years I had never thanked God for saving it from the blade of that shovel! What if everything God gave you, that you never thanked Him for, disappeared in a flash? What would you have left in your house? Would you even have a house? What would you have left in your life? Would you still have your health? Your hearing? Would you still have your Bible? How about your clothes? Would you still have the unique personality that God has gifted you with? 

If God deleted what you never thanked Him for, would you instantly become as dumb as a rock as your intelligence vanished into thin air? Would you still have your sense of humor? Would you still have the ability to discern right from wrong? Would you still have your salvation? Would you still have your love for God? Have you ever thanked God for those things? Maybe even more importantly than what you would have left in your life is who you would have left. If God took away everyone you had never thanked Him for, would you still have all your family? Your friends? The people at your church? Would you still have your dog? Your cat?

When I realized that if I thanked God for everything He has ever given me.. Everything He has done for me.. For every meal I have ever eaten.. For everyone He has sent to bless my life.. Every time He healed me.. Every time He protected me from illness.. injury.. death.. Every time He protected me from my incredibly foolish decisions and actions.. I realized that if I thanked Him for everything He had ever done for me, I’d be thanking Him unceasingly from now until the end of time. And in that “ah-hah” moment, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 immediately came to mind: Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

But how about those circumstances when it just seems like it’s impossible to be thankful? Because let’s face it. We don’t just cruise through this life on easy street. The truth is that Jesus said: “In the world you will have tribulation..” and I think that all of us can say “yes and amen” to that. But then we rejoice as Jesus goes on to say, “..but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 

All of us have experienced immense pain and grief in our past. And, here we are today with thankful hearts praising the Lord. How did we get through the trials and tribulations we’ve experienced so far? Because God is always right there in the midst of the worst thing that can ever happen to you.

We can only be truly thankful when our thankfulness is no longer a condition of our circumstances. We are not thanking Him for all things. The scripture says we thank Him in all things because no matter what our circumstances, there is always something for which we can be thankful. And then when we are thankful in all things we find ourselves rejoicing always. And, when we rejoice always, we find ourselves being thankful in all things. 

So let’s enter into a season of Thanksgiving by asking God to show us all the things that we never thanked Him for. Give thanks to God for all that He has given you and done for you. Give thanks even in the tribulations. And as you gather with family and friends, let your loved ones know how grateful you are to God and show them that Thanksgiving is not about a turkey dinner and it never has been. It’s about giving thanks to God. Amen?

Secret To Staying Young!

Dear Friends,

Clint Eastwood recently directed a western film that he starred in and was asked how he stays so active at the age of 91. His response was, “I don’t let the old man in.” Good advice for all of us once we start getting the invitations in the mail to join AARP. Full disclosure: One way I “don’t let the old man in” is that, because I am only in my early 70's, I have refused to join AARP and will not do so until I have become “old.” This week’s AMEN Corner is intended to be read only by those of us who qualify to be members of AARP.

Three 15 year old girlfriends decided to eat at the McDonald’s across the street from the Sea Side Restaurant because they only had $6.50 between them and McDonald’s was where that cute boy in science class, Bobby Bruce worked. 

Ten years later, the same girlfriends now 25-year-olds, decided to meet for a night out at the Sea Side Restaurant because the bar had free snacks, the beer was cheap, the band was good and there were lots of cute guys. 

Ten years later, the now 35 year old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Once again they decided on the Sea Side Restaurant because the combos were good, it was near the gym and if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be whiny little kids. 

Ten years later, these 45 year old girlfriends met for dinner at the Sea Side Restaurant because the Strawberry Margaritas were huge and the waiters flirted with them. 

Ten years later, the 55 year old girlfriends chose to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, the cool breeze on the patio was helpful for their hot flashes and the fish special was good for their cholesterol. 

Ten years later, now 65-year-olds, the girlfriends agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they had an Early Bird Senior Special and the lighting was good so the menu was easy to see. 

Ten years later, the 75-year-olds decided to keep their tradition of dinner at the Sea Side Restaurant because the food wasn’t too spicy and it was handicapped accessible. 

Ten years later, the same three girlfriends, now at the age of 85, discussed where to meet for dinner. After some long phone conversations, they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they wanted to try someplace new and none of them could remember ever being there before.

We all know that diet and exercise keeps us physically healthy, but recent scientific studies are also showing that those are the two things we can do to keep us mentally healthy as well. In fact, studies show that the number one thing we can do to “keep the old man (or old woman) out” and keep our brain young is to stay physically active and exercise. Walking for exercise can reduce dementia risk by 30-40 percent and more strenuous exercise can even restore some memory loss according to a recent article on aging.

To stay mentally young, we also need to eat like Jesus did. The research has shown that the best anti-aging diet is the “Mediterranean Diet,” and since that’s what Jesus ate, we’ll call it the “Jesus Diet.” That’s a diet primarily consisting of Fish, Vegetables, Fruit, Nuts and Beans. Studies show that older people who eat the most fruits and vegetables have a lower risk of dementia than meat-lovers. Along with our exercise and diet, our relationships will also keep us young and it’s important for us to build and maintain a network of friends. That’s one reason why our church family is so important to us. A recent 15 year study showed that a vital social life provides emotional and mental stimulation that fights off dementia. Also, learning new skills will keep you sharp. Learning spurs the growth of new brain cells and neurotransmitters (the connections between those brain cells). 

One of the interesting things that the scientific studies tell us we can do to keep our brain sharp is to meditate. MRI’s have shown that meditation actually increases the density of brain matter and meditation reduces harmful stress hormones that lead to higher blood pressure and other physical problems. For Christians, meditation means reading our Bible – the Word of God – and then meditating on a sentence or a few words that we’ve just read. Meditation not only keeps our brain young but it also quiets our spirit and makes room for God’s presence. Psalm 19:14 

A recent article on aging said that having a plan for your life and keeping a positive focus on your future will keep your brain young. Aging Christians can retire to the recliner or we can turn to what God’s given purpose is for us right now in this season of our life. God created us to love and worship Him and to love and help others. Mark 12:30-31 When my mom was in her eighties, she was a volunteer worker in the surgery waiting room at St Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank. She provided a comforting presence to those who were anxious and upset when a loved one was in surgery. She helped people in their time of need and her volunteer work was her living out the second commandment of Jesus to “love others as yourself.” 

As long as you’re on this side of the dirt, God ain’t done with you in this, your earthly existence, and He still has a plan for you at this point in your life. You have acquired a lifetime of skills, abilities and gifts given to you by your Creator. This week, ask Him to show you how that you can use those God-given gifts to help and serve others. And then, if you’re of the age where the restaurant you go to is determined by the size of the senior citizen discount, go for it, but stay young at heart and listen to Clint. Don’t let the old man or the old woman in. Amen?